Quarterly Update: Family Appreciation????

So, I got on line today because I think my mind is making me block out that it has been a full year today since Danny passed away, so I wanted to look on the blog to make sure I was remembering the day correctly. I couldn't ever remember the poor kids birthday correctly, but you better believe I'm going to remember the day he passed right on the money.

Really it is all I've been thinking about for the last week or so. I just can't believe it has been a year. I think I was in a fog for most of the Spring last year, so maybe that is why it feels like it has gone by so fast. I feel like a terrible sister and auntie because with the kids in Tooele, I don't get a chance to (or better)...make the opportunity to get out to see them possible more often. I saw them in January and Johnny doesn't remember me, so he wasn't having anything to do with me at all. I did get to bring Karen back in with me to spend the night with the kids. I love having her here and the kids love it too and I'm sure Kami liked the break. I talk to her about once a month or so...and for my life, that is a lot unless I work with you or have to feed or care for you on a daily basis. :) She is doing okay. I worried a bit that she may be trying to party her grief away or run away from it by clubbing with her friends every night, but she seems to have settled down a bit and is only going out once a week. I don't blame her for that, she does need to get out sometimes. Danny's pension and social security has helped her survive without having to work outside the home allowing her to be a mom full time. However that job to me is the hardest one I've ever done...it is a 24hr a day job that you can never call in sick to...especially with out a Daddy there to help. I don't blame her for needing a break once a week. I just want her to be safe and smart and not do anything that will jeopardize her or those kids lives since all they have now is her. I pray for them everyday and hope that Kami will make good decisions and find peace and happiness for herself and those babies. I just wished they lived closer, then maybe I'd be able to see them a bit more often, at least enough for Johnny to remember and like me....although that kid seems to be a perfect storm of both Kami and Danny's stubborn and independent nature...so he may not like me either way. Please keep them in your prayers too!

I also realize I have not had time to make good on posting our Christmas and trip to Arizona Pics yet...I seriously have not had time to turn around. I am working a radio job again. I am the co-host of the 97.9 the Breeze morning show. I do the news and traffic. It kind of popped up out of the blue. I've been doing it since mid January and I guess I'll stay as long as they'll have me which in radio could be 2 more days or 20 yrs, you just never know. I enjoy doing it, but getting up every morning at 5 will never be my favorite thing. The extra money (though too small) helps pay off some bills...as long as I can keep up the crazy hours I'll be debt free and probably dead from working too much and not able to enjoy it :) I do the radio thing 6-10 and work from home for Utah ASLA (the local chapter of Landscape Architects) as their Executive Director..that is supposed to be 4 hrs a day, but usually turns into 6 or 8 depending on the day. That on top of being a mom, a wife, a daughter, a PTA event coordinator and weekly school volunteer, church visiting teaching coordinator, realtor/landlord (still have not been able to sell our old house), Landscape architect for my own yard (in the new house), head cook and accountant for our family...I just don't know why I don't have time for me and what's worse, I know I'm forgetting something....either the day's aren't long enough or my eyes won't stay open long enough, one of the two. But like I've said before, I think crazy is the new normal...and it is easier to juggle all of this stuff because I have the best husband in the world.

I guess that is why I'm feeling for Kami. I couldn't function with out him....and I hope I'll never have to. He gets up with the kids, gets them fed, clean and off to school each day (still can't do a good hairdo on the girls, but he tries and they are getting old enough to want to do their own thing anyway). He regularly starts and does most of the laundry each week and is much better at keeping up on mopping the floor then I am. He cooks dinner when I'm not home makes the bed and will even clean a bathroom here and there. I hate that we don't see each other much unless we schedule it...he leaves as I get home and I have to go to bed before he gets home. He works Saturdays and has a Church calling that has him gone most of the day Sunday and Tuesday evenings and whenever else people call and need him or he has training or is working overtime to pay off said bills and pay for said landscaping... and I'm working both jobs on the only full day off he has ...so we see each other Saturday mornings for a couple of hours before he goes to work, and Sunday and Monday nights till I have to go to bed. We try to make it quality time I guess. I just keep thinking I'm grateful he isn't in the Millitary and gone months at a time or has to travel for business like some couples I know. I lean on the hope that when the kids have grown and moved on and we are retired (someday, but with the hit the 401Ks are taking in the market, it may be a long while) we'll see each other all the time and then there is that whole sealed for eternity thing after we die, so I guess we've got plenty of time to see each other....right? What am I worried about...?

I just hope that when we do finally get to spend time together we can remember why we liked each other in the first place.... He is handsome and smart and funny and snuggly and handy around the house, so as long as I don't go blind, deaf and still have feeling in my body, I figure I'll still like him. I'm just hoping that I can get him to think of me as a power tool or wood working apparatus or better dress up to resemble Norm Abrahams as much as I can, so he'll like me.... and I'm sure having the power tool headphones and safety glasses on so he doesn't have to see or listen to me babble endlessly (like I am in this blog) will help too. :)

I'll try to download pictures soon....and try to appreciate and spend more time with my family more often, because you just never know.....they will be here one day and gone for an entire year the next.

Love you Danny. I'm sorry I wasn't a better Sister. I hope you are happy and at peace.